“You see sir, I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English and I can run English, because English is such a funny language”. Did I take you back to the good old times of1982, when the movie 'Namak Halal' was released and this dialogue actually concluded English as a very phunny language?

Many of us including me had a tough time with English. As children grow up they develop different slangs. Like one day my son came up to me and said “hey dude! What's up” I didn't know how to react? Whenever we met our father, we use to bow down and touch his feet to greet him and seek his blessing. However today's generation is beyond words. Is this the impact of the awareness we provide our children? The rap and the hip hop music? I am quite sure that my son wouldn't have memorized his lessons but the English songs.

The other day I went to my child's parent teacher's meeting and there I had a rendezvous with his hindi teacher. There would be no place of doubt that her hindi would be fantastic but she had a weak hand over English. I observed that when she was scolding a child, she asked him “what problem have you?” my jaw dropped. I was self talking in my mind and said “dude that's wrong English”. All of a sudden I realized that I was talking like my son. Strange world!

Bomb shell dropped on my head when she requested “give me a blue pen of any color" wohoo.. I hope her next sentence won't be, “Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!" and what if she has to go abroad, would she say “I am going out of the world to England?” I really agree that English is a very “phunny” language and she was successful in strangling it.

My mobile rang and I received the perfect joke to match this situation. It says;

A haryanvi jaat recently opened up a new chinese restaurant right next to “Yo China" in gurgaon...

And named it - “Yo bhi China"

I wonder how would this Haryanvi jaat read his question paper?

Why are you naat fill upping the blanks?

My son told me that there is a very hot chic at his tuition ( I know this is disrespectful, by the way he meant that there is a very beautiful girl at his tuition) he has got the hots for her but his fantasies and dreams were shattered when she opened her mouth to say “It's so hot! Please on the fan now sir” we both burst out laughing; my son's dream girl just got rejected because of her desi angrezi!

I was wondering if Hollywood movies were made in PUNJABywood. There names would've been;

Jurrasic Park : Dinasour da raula
Spiderman : Jaale sardara de
Superman : Udd-da jatt
Terminator : Lohe da jatt kadd dau watt
Charlie's Angels : Jattiyan kamaal kardiyaan
Rocky : Mukka jatt da
Baby's day out : Sardara da kaka,paave syapa

I am sure you will laugh your heart out at these:

Do not smoke and spoil the botany of our body
Don't talk like that in front of my back
Talk, he talk, why do you beech beech talk?
Repeat again please!
Don't stand in front of my back
Did you cut the tickets for the film, yet?
Mistake became wrong!
Who took out the breeze of my cykill? (cycle)
Open the windows and let the atmosphere come in
The Principal is rotating outside
Heard in kitchen: No, No I don't need chair I can stand eating
My cykill (cycle) is understanding the tree
An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: Take an elephant of negligible weight"
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... “My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
“Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
Don't.. laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down..
Once Teacher Told “If you Talk So Loudly I Will Stand Uping you"
Teacher to students: Don't spit outside, the understanding people will suffer.
There is no wind in the balloon.
“Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
Pliss, close the fan!

Lately our office employed a new employee from small town and his English was actually with desi tadka. His introduction was really funny and interesting. Poor chap didn't realize that he was the reason of vocal expulsion of air from the lungs and the cause of our laughter.

He starts with, “Hello everybody myself Ramess...I am married with two kids. I joined today after completing a very impotent ceremony in the family of shaving my sons head, he looked very phunny and cute. It feels very good to be in such big office I am well here and hope you are also in the same well. I joined here with reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘typist’ and an ‘Accountant’ - Male or Female... As I am both and I can handle both with good skills, I applied for this post. I want to mention that this is a very tiring job, it kills my muscles and headache pains a lot. Earlier I was very happy in my gaon with my cows and buffaloes, many times I drank milk from them but when my father expired and I am the only one responsible for it, so I had to come here for a jab(job). I am marrying my daughter in one year, so I need money that is why I am here. You happy I also happy with you. Thank you. We all laughed our lungs out but sadly we were laughing at him, not along with him.

Ever thought that one day you would laugh over these mistakes and read it here as jokes on desi angrezi? Well “God Bless Our Home” provides it all in one place.